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Ducks Chapter 9 - Part 1 1/Apr/2003

Chuck sits in the union, and gathers round a crowd of acolytes for a story. It was 2001, and he was back in the place he knew best, Williewood High School:


I remember it like it was yesterday: it was 2001, and I was at school. Nobody has asked Mr. Cheese to become deputy-head, but following an anonymous graffito that read, "Mr. Cheese blows goats", school was never the same again. You were either with Mr. Cheese or against him. And god help anyone who was against him.

Mr. Cheese needed a scapegoat, someone unpopular to be the face of this so-called "terrorism". Even though it was low-foreheaded Don Gemmill that wrote the offending message, Cheese went after Simon Hussein.

It was a wise decision. Nobody liked Simon because he was foreign, and, well, he talked funny. Though he hated Gemmill like any sane person would, he did possess an interest in art, and had dedicated his life to assembling a collection of brushes.

It was this collection that provided the "smoking-gun" for Cheese. He called an assembly, and described the threat that Hussein presented. The argument was thus: if someone was happy to write about Mr. Cheese's caprine transgressions, someone with brushes wouldn't think twice before telling the world about Tim Connery's prostitute-use, or the Head Duck's drinking problem.

Nobody was really convinced, but since they couldn't find Gemmill, they decided to watch Simon closely. Art teachers were sent in, to try and break his spirit by telling him he couldn't draw, and he was never going to art school. However, they were forced to admit that his life drawings of his brother were surprisingly distinguished. Cheese was angry.

He called a meeting of the senior management team, and told them he wanted Hussein put out of commission. If he wouldn't stop drawing things, he couldn't be trusted to have hands, i case he painted something subversive. He had a choice, he could either stop drawing, or cut off his hands.

Unfortunately, the senior management team wasn't much of a team, so getting them to agree on policy was near-impossible. In the end, Cheese had to rope together a coalition of himself, and that fawning lap-duck, the Head Duck.

The offensive began at night. Cheese unleashed a "shock-and-awe" attack on Simon's house. He broke in, through the front door, smashed a few windows, and kicked his mother and his younger brother until they stopped fighting back. On the way to the house, he also brained the Head Duck, for no particular reason, just because he was a bit mad....

 
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