This song was intended to be our departure from the theme of food. And, if you look at the beginning, it does manage this. Until the fifth line. You see, we just can't stay off of the subject: it's so compelling. Still, we did manage to make it festive, and so we can call it our Christmas song. It is supposed to resemble an ironic, stereotypical Christmas Day, but, where it doesn't, we were more concerned with the rhyming scheme. Our favourite line is probably: 'Mince pie./ They're real: but why?'

1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4.

Wake up kids,
Santa's been under the tree.
He's brought gifts:
Pyjamas, Perfumes and Cheese.
So pungent,
You're busy holding a sneeze.

Pairs of socks,
That you have got from your friends.
Look outside,
We see a Mercedes Benz.
Friends' re-runs,
That we watch 'till we cry.

But when the snow is falling,
And you cannot see ten feet... feet.
Your Christmas lunch is frying,
Go eat.

You've got the turkey in you.
(Potatoes)
You've got the turkey in you.
(One slice left)
This meal I'm gonna get through.
(Don't give up)
I've got a turkey to eat.
(Come on Bert)
You only get what you give.

I'm eating it baby,
I'd like pie:
Give it to me now.

4 p.m.: we go and walk for a mile
Relatives,
Sit with a grimacing smile.
Of our wits,
It is a very hard trial.

But when the snow is falling,
You cannot see the end... end.
The Christmas tree is breaking:
Won't mend.

You've got the turkey in you.
(Potatoes)
You've got the turkey in you.
(One slice left)
This meal I'm gonna get through.
(Don't give up)
I've got a turkey to eat.
(Come on Bert)
You only get what you give.

This apple pie could fall apart,
It tastes okay: now don't you start.
You're being a pain, drink up your wine,
Eat up your rind.

You've got the turkey in you.
(Potatoes)
You've got the turkey in you.
(One slice left)
This meal I'm gonna get through.
(Don't give up)
I've got a turkey to eat.
(Come on Bert)
You only get what you give.
(Don't say no)
Get some more turkey in you.
(Don't say no)

Mince pie.
They're real: but why?

You only get what they give.
You're gonna eat what they give.
(Give it up)
Eat up your green beans and peas.

Monopoly, my patience trying.
Leicester Square, the banker's buying.
On Mayfair we shall be dining.
Colin's hotels are multiplying.
Triv' Pursuit: Grandad and Grandson.
On TV, the people dancing.
"The gifts are fakes," declares the grandson.
Phone the shop and kick their ass in.

Potatoes.
One slice left.
Don't give up.
Come on Bert.

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