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Ducks Chapter 3 16/Dec/2000

Newcomer Mr. Cheese calls an assembly.

 

The Head Duck marches into a room. In front of him is his new sidekick, Mr. Cheese. Mr Cheese decides to implement a tough régime of enforced learning. Every pupil must learn something in every period of school, even Maths. It matters not that this rule has been in place for the past twenty years: Mr. Cheese gets all the shtick for it. Defamatory stuff is said about his variety, even the cow that spawned him.

Of course, by this he is much upset, so he decides to confer with half of a Duckology class. The mood is strange, and his frank-yet-euphemistic admissions have the boys trying to stifle smirks.

He then calls an emergency assembly of the whole school. Before going on, he considers his options: he can be firm, he can be fair, or he can break the ice with a line from a popular TV show. He instantly rules out the latter, deciding that it would make him appear too approachable. He marches in, undecided. The intense pressure of the audience worries him. He opens his mouth, to shout vehemently at the assembly, but instead he comes out with a catchphrase from the popular television series, "Suckin' the Courgette".

Naturally, it doesn't go down well with the assembled seniors, who emit the peculiar sound of a mass cringe. All hell breaks loose, an it is left to Mr. Cheese's subordinate, Mr. Connery, to spray the CS gas. Afterwards, in order to congratulate themselves on a good day's work, the Head Duck, Mr. Cheese and Mr. Connery go down to the local pub for a lager shandy.

In the Met Bar, whom should they meet but Mr. Duck.

"Hello, I'm Mr. Cheese," says the Head Duck.

Mr Duck presses a small button under the bar, and the Head Duck, Mr. Cheese and Mr. Connery are swallowed into a deep hole.

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