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Secret Pastry Raspberry Torte 22/Sep/2001

The last thing that you expect to find in your e-mail is an actual message from a real person. Imagine my surprise, then, when I found this high-class Pastry-esque cover of Papa Roach's Last Resort, by Tom Gwillam.

It harks back to the early-Pastry culinary hits, but with the added edge of Country People. And of course, it is wonderful to see the high camp of nu-metal reduced to the high camp of Pastry songs.

 
Secret Pastry - Raspberry Torte Tom Gwillam

Cut my cake into slices,
This is my Raspberry Torte,
No culination, No freezing,
Don't give a f**k if potato needs peeling.
This is my Raspberry Torte.

Cut my cake into slices,
This is my Raspberry Torte,
No culination, No freezing,
Don't give a f**k if potato needs peeling,
I'm just lazy - seek alternative mealing,
Ready-cooked meals they're alright,
If I ate McD's tonight,
You never know that they might,
Spit in burgers out of spite,
And I contemplate Kentucky fried...

Cause I'm eating some shite, found a pork rind,
Want BK double and a portion of fries,
Eating some shite, found a pork rind,
Want BK double and a portion of fries.

I didn't realise I was getting too thin,
No food on my plate, stomach empty within,
Hungry, feeding on dry bread and eating from tins,
Just add water, where do I begin,
It all started when I lost my mother,
Don't cook for myself, never cooked for another.
Scavenge, to find a snack at pavement level,
Finding nothing but Smarties and Revels.

Eat paté on toast, don't expensively dine,
Avoid cocky waiters and the overpriced wine,
Eat paté on toast, don't expensively dine,
Avoid cocky waiters and the overpriced wine,
Pot Noodle's alright, leftovers fine,
I'm nuking, not trying.

I'm dining,
I'm dining,
I'm dining,
I'm dining,
I...can't....Go....On....Ea....ting.....this....way

Cut my cake into slices,
This is my Raspberry Torte,
No culination, No freezing,
Don't give a f**k it potato needs peeling.
Ready-cooked meals they're alright,
If I ate McD's tonight,
You never know that they might,
Spit in burgers out of spite,
And I contemplate Kentucky fried...

Cause I'm eating some shite, found a pork rind,
want BK double and a portion of fries,
Eat pate on toast, don't expensively dine,
Avoid cocky waiters and the overpriced wine.

Pot Noodles, alright, Leftovers fine,
I'm nuking, not trying.

I!.....CAN'T.....GO!.......ON!.....EA!....TING!.....THIS!.....WAY!

Can't go on eating this way. Noodles ain't, right!

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