I am visiting an extremely rich friend, who has annexed a piece of land near the Swiss town of Lausanne, and turned it into his own private Disneyworld, complete with an army of slaves, in order to cater to his every whim. I excuse myself to go to the toilet, and get lost in a room that is full of stolen goods. I notice a copy of a book of mine, and decide to exact revenge. I grab the book, leap over a box of the highest quality cocaine, and head out of the window. I scramble down a ditch, which has a surreal mural of ducks and fish painted along it. With my book, I escape to the slave camp, where I meet with the rebel leader, and bargain for my safe passage from the place.
I am in the Newlands Home Bakery on Clarkston Road. Two guys walks in, wearing Tommy Hilfiger tracksuits, wraparound shades et al, and do a perfect, yet completely straight impersonation of Ali G. They walk out again with some doughnuts.
I am in my old primary school. I appear to be a primary teacher. (Probably my least likely vocation.)