I am surprised to find a branch of Our Price in Clarkston. I enter the small shop, and my trowsers disappear. Not at all fazed by this, I continue through the shop to a staircase in the far corner.

I am stopped by a shop assistant, who is delighted to inform me that they have an offer for shoppers who have no trowsers. Unfortunately, it is something like, buy one Paul Oakenfold CD, get one free. I carry on down the stairs, only to be met by another shop assistant, who asks the first one if he has told me about the offer. She asks me, "Isn't it fantastic?" I nod and carry on.

In the dimly, artificially lit basement, I look for the Ed Harcourt CD, Here Be Monsters. Like a true Our Price, it isn't in stock.

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