I am seemingly a pupil at my former school, Williamwood High School, in the dying days of the Class of 2002. I receive intelligence to the effect that every conversation on school grounds is being taped by the autocratic deputy-head teacher. An ephemeral teacher appears and hands me a copy of my tape, with three tracks.
Later on, whilst in my bathroom at home, I decide to play the tape. Track 1 has a verbose title, and turns out to be a football match, in wartime Edinburgh, taped off the radio. [I think it is actually the phantom match, during the war, and thick fog, which was commented upon but never played, in order to pretend to the Germans that all was normal in Edinburgh.]
Track 2 is me singing Placebo's cover of The Smiths' Bigmouth Strikes Again.
Track 3 is me called said autocratic deputy head teacher a "dickhead".