mrry (Happy New Year)
Dreams 30/Jun/2002

I am in University, eating a Mars bar, and standing on Hillhead Street, in the approximate vicinity of the Psychology department. I get into a car with Raquel from Only Fools and Horses (Tessa Peake-Jones), and a teenage boy in the front, and an unknown man, assumedly the father, in the driver-side back seat. I sit in the back.

The journey begins down Gibson Street. I notice that the street is wider than normal, and there are some large signs indicating that the street meets Kelvin Way and Bank Street at a large, irregularly shaped roundabout. The green sign also indicates that a place called Maseuse (sic) can be got to by following Bank Street to Great Western Road and then bearing left.

The cars passes over the roundabout, continuing on Gibson Street and Woodlands Road. However, the road is a four-lane, urban motorway. The man in the back of the car offers me a Mars bar, which I accept, and then presses my nose. I find this to be very odd behaviour, so we stop the car on the hard shoulder (which, strangely, is on the right-hand side of the road, the carriageways seemingly having switched after the road commenced).

The man and I get out. He places a Mars bar on the red tarmac of the hard shoulder. He asks me what I think of it: I reply that I am not scared of the Mars bar. He goes "wooooooo", in a melodic style: I reply that this doesn't scare me either, as it makes me think of Cadbury's Flake (because he had been making his noise to the tune of the Flake advert). He kicks the Mars bar onto the carriageway: I admit that I am now a little scared.

We look round and notice that the car is gone. We set out along the hard shoulder, until we see an underpass, beyond the overgrown grass verge. At or around this point, the man transmogrifies into David Jason, making sense for once. The underpass goes under the motorway, leading to the north. As we enter it, I notice that it is flooded with about two feet of water. Somehow we pass under it and up onto Great Western Road.

We enter a small charity shop, where we find Raquel and the boy. He is shown a rack of jeans and Raquel suggests that he tries some on. He grumbles that this will take at least half an hour, and even then he probably wouldn't like them.

At this point, the charity shop becomes my living room, Raquel and David Jason become my mum and dad, and the boy becomes my elder brother. My brother and I are sitting on the sofa, my parents in the two armchairs.

The television chef Brian Turner enters, carrying a stack of boxes purporting to contain our dinner. He tells me that the bottom one contains dessert. I open this one first, and find that it contains a slice of tomato and some green-coloured rice. Inadvertantly, I spill it all over the settee.

I am suitably chastised for this, and I fetch the vacuum cleaner, which sucks away all of the rice from between the cushions. The television is on and showing a programme in which teams of university students are gunged (à la Noel's House Party) arbitrarily for answering questions. I elect to go and watch it in my bedroom.






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